March 18th, 2010
My brother and I are extremely close. He tells me everything and i always have his back whenever we have family arguments. About three months ago, he got a girlfriend. I was very happy for him! I even became really good friends with her. However, i feel like she is starting to come before the family. Our family used to be very close knitted and loved to spend time together. However, every single day, he picks her up from school and hangs out at her house until 9 pm. I'm starting to feel like im losing him and that my family is falling apart. He doesn't seem to want to spend time with the family anymore and his girlfriend is starting to have a attitude and being overly clingy. Usually on the weekends we at least have one family day however, my brother feels the constant obligation to return to his girlfriend. I miss being able to talk to him and spend time as a family. Ever since, I've been feeling like an only child. I don't want to be selfish, but it hurts. We hardly ever spend time as a family. I'm not used to it. There was a time when i needed to be picked up immediately from school since i was sick and he had the nerve to say, "Ohh, Can i pick up jasmine first?" i was even vomiting. Can anybody give some type of advice? I need some guidance.talk to him. let him know how you're feeling. BUT, keep in mind that he's growing up, and that you'll do the same when you get a girlfriend/boyfriend (i don't know if you're a guy or a girl).What you're feeling is just natural. He is your best friend and you are afraid of losing his attention. You may not believe this but as you get older you are really forming a closer relationship with your brother when he starts liking other girls. He is getting to the piont where he would die for you in a lot of cases in defending you. He is the one you always want to depend on and he will always be there for you. You just realize it right now. Believe me, those other gals don't mean as much to him as you do.ummm, you need to grow up. Dude's gettin some P#$#$#sy.
No more family for about 7 years.
i guess you should talk to your brother and tell him that family is family..
just remind him of all those good times...
also you need to spend some family time together..
you can also ask your parents to help you out...There comes a time when siblings grow older and, one step at a time, broaden their lives beyond immediate family. It's only natural and healthy. Though you can be close all your lives, you can't expect the same kind of closeness you had as kids---that's why childhood memories with siblings are so precious.
Perhaps because you have grown up exceptionally close to and dependent on your brother, you see this as a threatening situation---but his wanting to spend lots of time with his girlfriend is just a normal part of growing up; nothing personal against you or the family.
Instead of competing with his girlfriend in the whiny and clingy department (an attitude which isn't making this any easier for you), try to accept the new him. Adapting to these small transitions one at a time will make it easier for you to handle the changes life will bring you down the road. Give him some space and freedom; one day you'll want and need your own, too.
It'll turn out OK in the end; don't worry, you and your family will never "lose" him. Rather, as you mature, you'll realize that although things change, they can change for the better: As both of you find life partners, you will look around and realilze that once again, you're one big happy family.
Edit: Yeah, I hear ya. One of my brothers is just like that. Our family were amused rather than resentful, and we simply accepted it, since we certainly couldn't change his personality.
You can't really compare him to yourself. The saying "A son is a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life" shows you how common this situation is. Hope it helps you puts things in perspective.
That said, his doing things for her family only means that he's working hard to develop a good relationship with them. Please don't compare it to how he treats your family; after all, he already knows he has a secure and loving relationship with you all, and that you'll always be there for him, no matter what.he's maturing.........
but relax.........
it'll all be okay.You didn't say how old your brother & you are.
It is only natural that your brother wants to spend every waking moment with his girlfriend...
You should try & talk with your brother without bagging his girlfriend, tell him how you are feeling. Maybe make a deal to have a least one family dinner a fortnight together as a family.
Aww - I'm sorry. Sounds like he's in love! Often when a person is in the early stages of a relationship, they will find themselves thinking constantly about the person they are in love with and less about those who have been around longer. Friends and family often get left behind. This isn't something that will last forever! His relationship is still new and he needs to learn to balance it with the other relationships in his life, but this may take time. I think it's very important for you to approach him about this - in a gentle, sensitive way. Tell him you miss him and miss having family time with him. Tell him you like his girlfriend and are very happy for him, but you feel like you're not as special to him as you once were. Ask him if he would be willing to set aside some one-on-one time where the two of you can hang out like old times. And ask if he minds if you spend time with him and his girlfriend sometimes too. If he thinks you're attacking her or his relationship with her, he may get defensive and end up spending more time with her. Just let him know how you're feeling, that you miss him and want to spend more time with him.
Also, make an effort to spend time with his girlfriend. He will really appreciate that and if she's in his life for a long time, it will be important for you to have a good relationship with her if you want to continue to have a good relationship with him.
Good luck honey!#If you have any other info about this subject , Please add it free.# |
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